Remember that song by Bobby McFerrin—Don’t Worry, Be Happy? It was a lovely, catchy tune. But no matter how hard I tried to be happy in my relationship at the time, it just never worked. We simply weren’t compatible, yet we kept trying to force it. It reminds me of another saying—and a song title I love—If it don’t fit, don’t force it. It’s like mixing apples and oranges and expecting a perfect blend. I smiled and endured, hoping things would eventually fall into place.
He wanted the relationship, and I convinced myself that I could love anyone if I just set my mind to it. But love isn’t that simple. There are different kinds of love, and for many years, the love I thought I felt was often a blend of lust and unconditional care—what the Greeks call eros and agape. It wasn’t until I began matching birthdays that I discovered what lasting happiness in relationships could truly look like, both with friends and romantic partners.
My book, Matching Birthdays for Happiness, became a guide and a resource for understanding compatibility—not being fooled by charm alone when the deeper “ingredients” of alignment aren’t present in our birthdays or in our lives.
Eros is passionate, sensual, and driven by desire. It’s the kind of love that makes a song like Don’t Worry, Be Happy feel real when romance is new and exciting. But agape—the highest form of love—is selfless, pure, and enduring. Understanding the difference between these two kinds of love is essential, because a relationship built without true compatibility—no matter how intense the passion at the start—can never provide the lasting happiness we are all seeking.
