Remember that song by Bobby McFerrin? It was a lovely, catchy tune. But no matter how hard I tried to be happy in my relationship at the time, it just never worked. We weren’t compatible—and we tried to force it. That brings to mind another song, “If it Don’t Fit, Don’t Force It” like mixing apples and oranges. I tried to grin and bear it.
He wanted the relationship, and I convinced myself that I could love anyone if I just put my mind to it. But love isn’t that simple. There are different kinds of love. The love I thought I had for any partner was often a mix of lustful and unconditional love—what the Greeks call eros and agape. It wasn’t until I started matching birthdays that I had lasting happiness in my relationships. They are friends and lovers. The book “Matching Birthdays for Happiness” is a resource for building happiness and to not be fooled by the charm if there are no matching ingredients in our birthdays.
Eros is passionate, sensual, and fueled by desire. It’s the kind of love that makes a song like Don’t Worry, Be Happy come alive when you’re caught up in romance. But agape—the highest form of love—is selfless, pure, and transcendent. Understanding the difference between these loves is crucial because being in a relationship that lacks true compatibility, no matter how much passion exists at the beginning, can never bring lasting happiness.